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Les Terrasses de Luna

Construção de 184 Apartamentos. Bordéus

Les Vergers du Tasta

Habitação Social, construção de 124 Apartamentos. Bordéus

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What?s So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress? Still, it was hard not to wonder what Alex meant when he said he felt like a ?boy? or a ?girl.? When he acted in stereotypically ?girl? ways, was it because he liked ?girl? things, so figured he must be a girl? Or did he feel in those moments ?like a girl? (whatever that feels like) and then consolidate that identity by choosing toys, clothes and movements culturally ascribed to girls? Whatever the reasoning, was his obsession with particular clothes really any different than that of legions of young girls who insist on dresses even when they?re impractical? Or any different than tomboys who are averse to those same clothes? No one knows why most children ease into their assigned gender roles so effortlessly and others do not. Hormone levels might play a role. One hint is provided by a rare genetic condition known as congenital adrenal hyperplasia, or C.A.H. The condition produces high levels of androgens, including testosterone, early in gestation, and can create somewhat male-like genitalia in genetic females. Girls with C.A.H. are typically raised as females and given hormones to feminize, yet studies show they are more physically active and aggressive than the average girl, and more likely to prefer trucks, blocks and male playmates. Though most turn out to be heterosexual, women with C.A.H. are more likely to be lesbian or bisexual than women who weren?t bathed in prenatal androgen. pre bonded hairGenetics might also be a factor in gender expression. Researchers have compared the gendered behavior of identical twins (who share 100 percent of their genes) with that of fraternal twins (who share roughly half). The largest study was a 2006 Dutch survey of twins, 14,000 at age 7 and 8,500 at age 10. The study concluded that genes account for 70 percent of gender-atypical behavior in both sexes. Exactly what is inherited, however, remains unclear: the specific behavior preferences, the impulse to associate with the other gender, the urge to reject limits imposed on them ? or something else entirely. Whatever biology?s influence, expressions of masculinity and femininity are culturally and historically specific. In the 19th century, both boys and girls often wore dresses and long hair until they were 7. Colors weren?t gendered consistently. At times pink was considered a strong, and therefore masculine, color, while blue was considered delicate. Children?s clothes for both sexes included lace, ruffles, flowers and kittens. That started to change in the early 20th century, writes Jo Paoletti, a professor of American studies at the University of Maryland and author of ?Pink and Blue: Telling the Boys From the Girls in America.? By then, some psychologists were arguing that boys who identified too closely with their mothers would become homosexuals. At the same time, suffragists were pushing for women?s advancement. In response to these threatening social shifts, clothes changed to differentiate boys from their mothers and from girls in general. By the 1940s, dainty trimming had been purged from boys? clothing. So had much of the color spectrum. Women, meanwhile, took to wearing pants, working outside the home and playing a wider array of sports. Domains once exclusively masculine became more neutral territory, especially for prepubescent girls, and the idea of a girl behaving ?like a boy? lost its stigma. A 1998 study in the academic journal Sex Roles suggests just how ordinary it has become for girls to exist in the middle space: it found that 46 percent of senior citizens, 69 percent of baby boomers and 77 percent of Gen-X women reported having been tomboys. These days, flouting gender conventions extends even to baby naming: first names that were once unambiguously masculine are now given to girls. The shift, however, almost never goes the other way. That?s because girls gain status by moving into ?boy? space, while boys are tainted by the slightest whiff of femininity. ?There?s a lot more privilege to being a man in our society,? says Diane Ehrensaft, a psychologist at the University of California, San Francisco, who supports allowing children to be what she calls gender creative. ?When a boy wants to act like a girl, it subconsciously shakes our foundation, because why would someone want to be the lesser gender?? Boys are up to seven times as likely as girls to be referred to gender clinics for psychological evaluations. Sometimes the boys? violation is as mild as wanting a Barbie for Christmas. By comparison, most girls referred to gender clinics are far more extreme in their atypicality: they want boy names, boy pronouns and, sometimes, boy bodies.

Some cultures develop categories for those whose behavior doesn?t fit gender conventions. In Samoa, biological males who adopt feminine mannerisms are accepted as a third sex, called fa?afafine. In the U.S., some who occupy that ?middle space? call themselves ?genderqueer,? but it is hardly a well-established cultural concept. ?People rely on gender to help understand the world, to make order out of chaos,? says Jean Malpas, who heads the Gender and Family Project at the Ackerman Institute in Manhattan. ?It?s been a way of measuring someone?s well-being: ?Are you adjusted? Do you fit? Or are you unhinged?? The social categories of man/woman, boy/girl are fundamental, and when an individual challenges that by blurring the lines, it?s very disorienting at first. It?s as if they?re questioning the laws of gravity.? So it is for Moriko and her husband, who struggled for years to understand their son?s attraction to girls? clothes even though it made him a social pariah. ?I was sad and I was scared, really scared,? Moriko said. ?This kind of stuff is not in ?What to Expect When You?re Expecting.? I didn?t know what to do, what to think or what was going to happen.? They took their 7-year-old son to a New York City psychologist, hoping for guidance and support. Instead, the therapist blamed them for their son?s femininity, saying Moriko was emotionally detached and her husband too absent. She advised them to confiscate the boy?s dolls and girlish clothes and to find him male friends. They followed her instructions, but their son was miserable, and they ultimately rejected the therapist?s analysis. ?It became clear this couldn?t be the right way,? Moriko said. ?It was damaging all of us.? By the time her son was 9, Moriko and another mother had started a support group for families looking to accept, not change, their children?s gender expression. They offered one room for parents to talk and another for the children to play. Today more than 20 families are in the group. A few of the kids now take hormone blockers. A few others have come out as gay. Moriko?s son is still wavering. remy hair extensionsMoriko?s son will soon enter eighth grade in his Long Island public middle school. Most of his friends are girls, and he dresses just like them: skinny jeans, black eyeliner, light lipstick and off-the-shoulder shirts from the girls? department. (Moriko makes him wear a tank top underneath.) When his teachers asked which pronoun they should use when referring to him, he said masculine. But he doesn?t want to be called a boy, or a girl. ?This is a kid who is smack in the middle,? Moriko said. ?His feet are getting bigger, his voice is starting to deepen. He doesn?t want to start blockers. We don?t really know what?s next.? She sighed and then started to cry. ?His therapist said to me, ?I know you?ve been living without a gender box for a very long time, and I know it?s frustrating and confusing, but right now, he just doesn?t want to be in a box.? I?m not trying to label him, but it?s hard not to wonder what he is, if he?s not a boy and he?s not a girl. Sometimes I worry that not being in a box isn?t healthy, either, even if the box is ?gay? or ?genderqueer.? I just want to be able to wrap my head around some concept. I know I have to be patient, but sometimes I feel like an emotional hostage, because as his parent, it?s my job to help him be whatever he wants to be, and I can?t do that if he doesn?t know where he?s headed.? Gender nonconformity is a touchy subject, and parents who celebrate it in their children can be judged harshly. When J. Crew ran an ad of its president painting her son?s toenails neon pink, with copy that read, ?Lucky for me, I ended up with a boy whose favorite color is pink,? one commentator said she was exploiting her son ?behind the facade of liberal, transgendered identity politics.? Then there was Kathy Witterick and David Stocker, the Toronto couple inadvertently caught in a critical spotlight when word spread that they wouldn?t reveal their newborn?s sex because they wanted to free him or her from gender expectations. The idea came from their 6-year-old son, Jazz, who has insisted for the last three years on picking his clothes from the girls? section of the store. ?I didn?t go into parenting thinking I wanted to deconstruct the notions of gender with my children,? Witterick told me. ?I had enough life experience to know that the way we construct masculinity sets men up to either be victimized because they?re wimps, or to be victimizers to prove they?re not. But I will freely admit to you that the first time Jazz selected a dress off the store shelf, I did not know what to do. There were beads of sweat on my forehead.? Ellen R. and her 10-year-old son, Nick, live in a small New Jersey suburb. Nick sometimes spends hours a day drawing gowns for his 36 Barbies and designing them for himself or his dolls, using fabric, ribbon and rubber bands. For a while, Nick was able to keep his interest hidden. But one day in second grade, a friend stopped by unexpectedly and saw Barbies sprawled in the living room. The boy ran out of the house. In school the following day announced to the class, ?Nick plays with dolls.? ?Everyone looked at me,? Nick told me. ?I wanted to yell, but you?re not supposed to yell in school. So I said it wasn?t true. But no one believed me.? He was quiet for a while, concentrating on an uncooperative lock of a Barbie?s hair. ?He was my friend. That was the worst part of it.? In the two years since, Nick hasn?t had a single play date.

Ellen?s conviction that Nick shouldn?t be ashamed of who he is runs deep. Yet she nonetheless battles a fear of being shunned. ?When your kid?s girly in preschool, the other parents might think it?s cute. But it?s not cute once your kid is in elementary school, especially the older he gets. I sit next to parents at events, I volunteer with the P.T.A., and it?s hard not to wonder, are they out there making fun of me and my kid?? For other parents, the discomfort is even more intense. When Jose was a toddler, his father, Anthony, accepted his son?s gender fluidity, even agreeing to play ?beauty shop.? But as Jose got older and it became clear his interests weren?t just a passing phase, Anthony recoiled. He struggled with confusion, disappointment and alienation from his own child, who called himself a ?girl-boy.? Though Anthony tried to hide it, he often cringed when he saw Jose prancing in a neighbor?s flowered dress or strutting in a friend?s wig. perruques cheveux naturelsSometimes, Anthony fled wherever Jose was playing. Other times, he confronted his boy. If Jose walked outside carting a Barbie, Anthony would scowl: ?Do you have to carry it all the time?? Once when Jose was 3 and wearing a dress every day, Anthony pleaded: ?Jose! You?re a boy! You?re not a girl ? you?re a boy!? and then started to cry. Jose slipped out of bed, padded over to his weeping father and patted his head. ?I just didn?t know how to relate to him,? he recalled recently. ?I didn?t know how to be the father of a girl inside a boy?s body.? Anthony and his wife, who live in New York, found a supportive listserv and began seeing a psychiatrist, who urged them to allow Jose to play with toys of his choosing. In a therapeutic compromise, he suggested letting Jose wear whatever he wanted at home, but restricting dress-wearing in public to shield him from derision. The summer after kindergarten, Jose and Anthony attended a retreat for gender-atypical children. Seeing how happy the boys were running around in girly clothes affected Anthony deeply. Afterward, he and his wife joined a support group and enrolled Jose in a prestigious ballet school, where he is thriving. His talent makes Anthony proud. Jose is almost 9 now. He?s interested in Legos and in cartoons of boys who fight crime and evil aliens. He rarely reaches for a dress, and he?s happy to be a boy, but he still plays with dolls. Anthony is fine with all that, though he reluctantly admits that he?s still distressed when his son talks or moves flamboyantly, and he?s not sure why. Anthony has apologized to Jose. ?I?ve told him that I was just close-minded. I say: ?I really didn?t get it. I didn?t know anybody like you, so it took me a while to get used to it. And I?m really sorry.? And more than once, he?s said, ?I forgive you.? ? Boys and men do have more latitude these days to dress and act in less conventionally masculine ways. Among straight men, long hair and (certain) necklaces and (certain) pairs of earrings are almost normative, at least in some communities. Plenty of men wax their eyebrows, get manicures and wear pink. In some parts of the country, these shifts have provided an opening for boys who buck some gender norms. James, for example, is a 14-year-old boy who from age 5 to 10 had long hair, wore feminine clothes and was frequently mistaken for a girl. It was an error that seemed neither to bother nor delight him. By fifth grade, though, he had abandoned most of his skirts. A year later, he was so adamant about being known as a boy that he ordered his parents never to mention his feminine past around his friends.

James is now nearly six feet tall, and his voice is low. His hair still falls down his back, and he dyes the ends pink. When he is with male buddies, they play video games and create digital anim characters. When he?s with female friends, they playact, using wigs and high voices. They brush and braid one another?s hair. At a coffee shop near their Cambridge home, his father told me that he initially discouraged James from wearing dresses in public as much to protect his own ego as that of his son. But his embarrassment has long since turned to pride. ?He?s just this very brave person,? the father said. ?I?ve learned so much from him. . . . In college I remember wondering why the femme gay guy wouldn?t just act more butch so people wouldn?t give him a hard time. I didn?t think it was right for people to give him a hard time, but I thought, Hey, you bring it on yourself. Now I know that?s wrong. My son showed me this is part of core identity, not something people just put on or take off. And it?s not their job to make sure we?re all comfortable.? One day this spring I went to a playground with an 8-year-old boy named P. J. A pink ribbon with sparkly butterflies held back his thick black curls, which he occasionally flipped dramatically. He was wearing a serpent-and-skeleton bike helmet, a navy Pokmon T-shirt, black-and-pink stretch pants, a fuchsia sweatshirt and an iridescent heart necklace. As he and a friend raced happily around the park in a loud game of tag, they accumulated new pals. perruques cheveuxAfter playing for half an hour, a few kids huddled to catch their breath and finally introduce themselves. One 10-year-old girl?s eyes opened wide. She turned to me, the closest adult. ?Do you know she?s a he?? Yes, I nodded. Certain that I?d misunderstood, she pointed at P. J., who was right next to her. ?No!? she said. ?She is a he!? P. J.?s parents allow him to wear dresses in public, which he does judiciously, based on how likely it is he?ll be hassled. (Yes to the dentist?s office; no to his grandparents? place.) In school, however, his parents say he can wear anything but dresses, figuring that one item has more TNT than all pink and sparkly things combined. P. J. told me he wears ?girl? shirts (he used his fingers to make quote marks) three days a week and ?boy? shirts the other two. Most of the time, he chooses pants that are pink or purple. Despite the fact that his parents paid for a half-day of gender-diversity training for the staff at P. J.?s school, he is still sometimes teased on the bus or during recess. ?Some of the boys in school make fun of me,? he says. ?They keep asking,? and here he switches to a whiny voice, ? ?Are you a boy or a girl? I forgot.? And then they ask again the next day. They can?t just forget after one day. They?re just trying to be mean. They say I should cut my hair because it makes me look like a girl, and looking like a girl is bad. It?s not their business, but they say it anyway.? P. J.?s favorite video game, Glory of Heracles, features an ambiguously gendered character that P.J. described as a girl who wants to be a boy. ?Do you feel like that?? I asked him one day at his house. ?No, I don?t want to be a girl,? he said, as he checked himself out in his bedroom mirror and posed, Cosmo-style. ?I just want to wear girl stuff.? ?Why do you want to be a boy and not a girl?? I asked.

He looked at me as if I were daft. ?Because I want to be who I am!? By way of explanation, he told me about a boy in his third-grade class who is a soccer fanatic. ?He comes to school every day in a soccer jersey and sweat pants,? P. J. said, ?but that doesn?t make him a professional soccer player.? lace front wigsHe?s right: no one looks twice at the soccer-star wannabe, whereas boys like P. J. or Alex are viewed with distress, especially the older they get. For that reason, last summer, as Alex?s parents contemplated his start at the local elementary school, they feared children there might bully him. So they decided to forbid dress-wearing to kindergarten. Alex didn?t take it too hard. By then, his dress requests had petered out to every few weeks anyway, and he typically wore boy clothes, though he still liked wearing a rainbow-bead necklace and nail polish. Besides, his parents had told him that socks, shoes, nail polish and jewelry were up to him ? a way to express himself while safely testing the waters.

Toward the end of the first week of kindergarten, Alex showed up in class wearing hot-pink socks ? a mere inch of a forbidden color. A boy in his class taunted, ?Are you a girl?? Alex told his parents his feelings were so hurt that he couldn?t even respond. In solidarity, his father bought a pair of pink Converse sneakers to wear when he dropped Alex off at school. Alex?s teacher, Mrs. C., jumped in, too. During circle time, she mentioned male friends who wore nail polish and earrings. Mrs. C. told them that when she was younger, she liked wearing boys? sneakers. Did that make her a boy? Did the children think she shouldn?t have been allowed to wear them? Did they think it would have been O.K. to laugh at her? They shook their heads no. Then she told them that long ago, girls weren?t allowed to wear pants, and a couple of the children went wide-eyed. ?I said: ?Can you imagine not being able to wear pants when you wanted to? If you really wanted to wear them and someone told you that you couldn?t do that just because you were a girl? That would be awful!? ? After that, the comments in the classroom about Alex?s appearance pretty much stopped. cosplay wigsIt took Alex several weeks to rouse his courage again. And then, about once a week, he would pull on his pink socks and sparkle kitten sneakers and head boldly off to kindergarten. Continue reading the main story

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